Welcome to AHBPC 2013. If you’re reading this you are probably not here. Because Internet access is still in the stone age and you probably cannot afford it. So the line up has been finalized and this is a run down of the cities competing for the top spots at the Worlds.

Adelaide

Colin Liddle is the sole representative of Adelaide. Sorry ladies, this time he’s taken.

 

Amsterdam

 

Auckland

Dasha is healed up and going down faster than all you all but sadly no longer lives in Auckland. C-roll is rollin’, Diggle is digglin’ and I think we can count on Matty Radcliffe to be keepin’ it rad. Stuart now lives in Wellington.

 

Berlin

BERLIN!

 

Brisbane

 19 Players?! I’m guessing they are all related too. (This too should rhyme with eewwww (not like a sheep NZ)).

Polo Jesus has also been spotted in Brisvegas.

Speaking of Brisvegas. Brisbane was originally called Brisvegas but the name was changed in an attempt to capitalize on a small tech start-up city in California. Sadly they got the pronunciation wrong.

 

Canberra

Tom Partington

He’s from Adelaide.

 

Christchurch

Here’s some fun facts about Christchurch. First and most obvious. It is where JRR Tolkien met Peter Jackson and they decided to make a movie together. Creating the legendary film The Last Samurai. Telling the epic tale of a Scientologist questioning his faith and setting out on an unexpected journey with the Darby O’ Gill and some of his friends. I personally give it two appendages way up.

Next, Hooliganism is still alive and well in Christchurch. I cannot say for sure if it has made its way into Bike Polo yet but think it calls for some undercover journalism.

 

 

Dunedin

Apparently they play on the steepest street in the world. And they haven’t quite sorted out the rules yet.

• First, the countdown in a non-tournament is 3,2,1 POLO (or KILL).
• Second, typically only 1 ball is used and it it placed in the center of the court. I understand this can be difficult with your court.
• C) The hardcourt bike polo ball has largely been agreed upon and are conveniently  available just up the road from Down Low Polo.

Anyhow, here’s footage of their last tournament.

 

Geylang

Heylang! (where?). Okay, I have to make an admission. As an American, err, ‘Merican I don’t know much about the outside world let alone been out there. So I had to do a little research on this one. After the hours of research I could write thousands of words but that just wouldn’t be fair to everyone else and I don’t think my words could sum up Geylang Bike Polo like this single picture.

And special shout out to Singapore (well… Glenn) for putting the Asia in Australasian Championship.

 

 

Hamilton

Legend has it Jet Boots where invented here. It represents a stagering 63.2% of the cities GDP through tourism. A Japanese tourist was allegedly kill while Jet Booting several years ago in a near by town.

London

See Scarborough

 

Melbourne

Melbourne Bike Polo puts the Booo in Melboourne (see what I did there!?) and once they are done arguing I’m sure they can come up with something better. In the meantime if your ear drums get blown out to the loving shouts of ‘MERICA(!) or the gentle giants breaks your bike by looking at it just remember, Dr Drew isn’t that kind of Doctor.

 

Perth

Just happy they aren’t hosting this year because it’s closer to fly to Christchurch that it’s to fly to Perth.

 

San Francisco

I could not find a San Francisco in Austalasia. weird.

 

Scarborough

Scarborough: Brisbin for London.

 

Sydney

Sydney has more boys with girls names than any other city in Australasia.

 

Taupo

This is the last known photo from T-Town Bike Polo. Identities had to be hidden to protect the innocent during the pending a legal case.

 

Timaru

Tima-who?

 

Wellington

Wellington is most famously known for Sir Fred Wellington, who purchased the patent for the Wellington* boot from Nokia while on an expedition** in Espoo, Finland. Single handedly creating New Zealand sheep industry.

Stu lives there now. See Auckland

* No one can pronounce the original name

** Fred*** had been in Espoo trying to find a new guitarist for his up coming metal side project band.

*** He was not Sir Fred until after presenting the her majesty with her first “Gum Boot”****

***** It is said the nickname “Gum Boot” was fabricated by Sir Fred because of her majesties fondness of chewing gum.

The Bad Santa Tournament was held in Melbourne, Australia on 8 and 9 December 2012.  If you want to read about it as well, go here.

Photographs by Claire Shepherd and Beth Hyland

When you name your website GOALHOLE you expect to see a few questionable search terms leading to your page but we got hundreds over the past 9 months.  Wish I could have seen the looks of disappointment on people’s faces as their search for porn led them to bike polo.

In no particular order, here are our favourites.

- hand on my shaft

- Ollie weiner hole

- Why is Auckland called a maiden with 100 lovers

- Polo players cocks

- Faggot running golf

- Wanking groups Auckland

- Barbenis cat penis

- Kwinana’s loosest chick pics

- 2 girls 1 guy switching from hole to hole

- I miss your pussy

- best things to jack off to

- Australian mallet donut game

- cartoon penis

Owner:  Ollie Wykeham

City:  Brisbane, Australia

Frame/Fork:  Colossi Polo

Headset/Stem/Bars/Grips:  Chris King, DMR, Square Built, Left ergo grip and right is a cheapo BMX one.

Seat/Post/Clamp:  A cheap San Marco road saddle (after trying a Fizik Arione and a Brooks Swallow I found this more comfortable), Thompson seat post and a quick-release for travel.

Pedals:  Time ATAC

Cranks/BB/Chain ring/Sprocket/Chain: 170mm We the People cranks, Profile BB, eBay special 30t chain-ring, White Industries Eno 21t free, KMC Kool chain.

Brakes/Pads/Lever/Cables:  Avid 7 lever, Shimano XT v brake and pads.

Wheels/Tyres: 700c 48h Velocity Chukkers, Schwable marathon 28c back, Conti 32c city front.

Why did you choose this bike/setup?
I had previously worked as a courier and played polo on a Colossi x Gear track bike, I fell in love with the geometry. When I was offered a sponsorship I wanted something as similar to my work bike but with a few tweaks (the V-brake bosses, fork rake, axel to crown and the sizing).

How long have you played on this bike for? Have you played on anything else?
About 3 months, my team an I received them about two weeks before we left for Worlds in Geneva. I have played on an Eight Inch Scrambler, a standard Colossi x Gear track bike and an Affinity Cyclone with a 26” front. This is by far the best bike I have played on/owned.

What are the best things about your bike?
The Columbus Zona tubing is awesome; it is light, rigid and stable, but fast and agile; the geometry is nice and steep with a short wheelbase, while still being nice to ride without feeling too jankey. I don’t have to nurse it the frame, I am rough with gear and it withstands my abuse. On my Affinity I had a problem with jack-knifing, that is now a thing of the past. I still haven’t found the limit of this bike.

What are some recent changes you have made to your bike?
I have changed from a dual brake setup, with a Paul duo lever, to a single front brake. I found I wasn’t really using the back brake and the extra loading on the lever from the rear was getting annoying. Oh and I removed my front disc cover. Other than that it is the same as when I set it up.

What are the worst things about your bike? What would you change?
The dreadful colour combination of parts I put on there! I also should have gone crazy with the paint, plain blue is boring…

Other than that this bike is perfect, it is the best bike I own. It is the only bike I ride, even though I have four others.

I’d like to thank Colossi Cycles and Gear Brisbane for their support.

After days of deliberation, we can now reveal the 7 finalists who are still in the running to win a limited edition Gold Coast Studs tshirt and GOALHOLE stickers.  Each of the organisers got to select one finalist and the remaining two were based on the most facebook likes received.  To vote for your favourite, visit our Facebook page.  Voting closes at 1.00pm AEST on Saturday 4th August 2012.

1.  Ned Collins – Butcher the Rules (selected by Damon Rao)

2. Jeremy “Rootbeer” Miller – Rootbeer Never Approved The Rules (Selected by Ollie Wykeham)

3. Donny Graham – Come Here Slut (Selected by Jamie Barber)

4.  Leo Felder – Stick it to the Rules (Selected by Virginia Castellan)

5.  Nick Metcalfe – How Gay are the Rules  (Selected by Bennett Rust)

6. Kristine Kenins – Fist the Rules (chosen via Facebook likes)

7. Donny Graham – The Rules Are For Pussies (chosen via Facebook likes)

 

The Aftermath Bench Tournament will be held in Brisbane on 29 and 30 September 2012.  The six chosen captains recently spent several painstaking days selecting their teams one player at a time.  Here’s how it ended up:

Dasha’s Team

Dasha (Auckland) / Anya (Melbourne) / Carol (Auckland) /  Kiki (Brisbane)
Cooper (Brisbane) / Locky (Sydney) / Rob (Melbourne) / Shane (Brisbane)

Virginia’s Team

Virginia (Sydney) / Daniel (Sydney) / Danny (Melbourne) / Jamie (Brisbane)
Kent (Sydney) / Nick (Brisbane) / Red (Brisbane) / Rupert (Brisbane)

Andrew’s team

 

Andrew (Brisbane/Melbourne) / Ben (Sydney) / Claire (Perth) / Domenico (Brisbane)
Jordan (Brisbane) / Katie (Brisbane) / Ray (Melbourne) / Sam (Melbourne)

Mattie’s team

Mattie (Perth) / Andy (Brisbane) / Benee (Melbourne) / Brook (Sydney)
Lefty Ben (Brisbane) / Scott (Brisbane) / Tsz (Sydney) / Nikki (Sydney)

William’s team

 

William (Melbourne) / Dr Drew (Melbourne) / Erin (London) / Gemma (Melbourne)
Hazel (Auckland) / Mace (Brisbane) / Morgan (Sydney) / Stephen (Sydney)

Ollie & Scottie’s team

Ollie (Brisbane) / Scottie (Perth) / Bennett (Gold Coast) / Damon (Melbourne)
Handsome Rob (Brisbane) / Jack (Sydney) / Mark (Sydney) / Max (Brisbane)

Aftermath Facebook event page is here

By Virginia Castellan

This is the final batch of entries in our You Make the Rules Competition.  The competition has now closed and a short list of finalists for you to vote on will be made in the next few days.

#68 – William (Melbourne)

#69 – Machine (San Francisco)

#70 – Lefty Ben (Brisbane)

#71 – Yohei (Perth)

If you missed seeing Part One of our You Make the Rules Entries , you can access them here.

If you missed seeing Part Two of our You Make the Rules Entries , you can access them here.

If you missed seeing Part Three of our You Make the Rules Entries , you can access them here.

If you missed seeing Part Four of our You Make the Rules Entries , you can access them here

If you missed seeing Part Five of our You Make the Rules Entries , you can access them here