Photographs by Ollie Wykeham

For news on next year’s Australasian Hardcourt Bike Polo Championships, go here

Owner:  Ash Williams

City:  Perth, Australia

Frame/Fork:  Eighth Inch Scrambler

Bars: Origin 8

Seat/Post: Charge bullet / random

Pedals: Shimano XTR

Cranks/BB/Chain ring: Origin 8 Bullets / Surly 110 x 34T

Sprocket: White Industries

Brakes: Campag Veloce/10S – Paul lever (dual)

Wheels: Shimano front / Velocity Deep V rear

Why did you choose this bike?
Fuckin’ sick, unique

How long have you played on this bike for? Have you played on anything else?
3 years… I used to play on a fixed gear Raggling.

What are the best things about your bike?
Bar ends.

What are the worst things about your bike? What would you change?
Nothing. There is nothing bad about it, if there was I would change it.

By Mike Critch

Photographs by Violet Verre Photography, Marty Drdy and Mike Critch

If you missed checking out Patti’s bits, you can get a look at them here.

The face-mask is the new vouge of Australian polo. Or so it seemed at AHBPC12 in Perth. For the boys seemed to be looking to protect their assets by any means necessary. Unlike our ever tough polo ladies, who laughed at this wanten display of vanity. Here are a couple of photos I snatched between beers and hangs. There aren’t many photos, I was having too much fun, drinking/talking/pickup all took priority, so enjoy the few I have.

Ned demonstrating the Mycro Hurling helmet he, Scottie and Jordy-Boy swear by, these helmets seem light, durable and the cage does not block the view like others. Jordan upgraded to one of these from a cricket helmet, which he said limited his view too much. (I want a Mycro, but I still secretly want to try a cricket helmet first!)

Domenico, my team mate (♥), opted for a Bauer ice hockey mask. His is clear perspex. This avoids any potential inhibited vision, but the down side is it can fog up. He was telling me that in big games when he is sweaty and under the pump that it is like being in a sauna.
From the man himself:

“You can’t touch your face at all. But it’s extremely light weight and you forget you have it on you face. As after a game at Nats in Perth I slammed a beer into the fish bowl.”

Rob once again testing Teds ice hockey mask. Teddy Boy bought this off ebay for cheap cheap cheap in the days before nationals, he wore it a little but said it was uncomfortable. To be honest I think it cramped his reckless style. Ether way we got his moneys worth for him in one night of drunken antics pre AHBPC12. This looks to be a great budget option.

This is Jamie attempting to punish himself after asking Ted to put the mask on, then punching him hard in the face. No Ted’s were hurt in the making of this photo. Nor in the testing of these masks. Nor in the pre AHBPC12 celebrations.

If DIY is your thing, or you want some more options or discussion have a look at the LoBP thread on this matter.

In conclusion: if you want to protect your pretty looks, get a face cage.
There are plenty of options out there, just be smart and weigh up the pros and cons, or as Wikipedia just taught me the “pro et contra” – (the original Latin, meaning for and against.)

By Ollie Wykeham

To survive playing polo as a guy with a girl’s name in Sydney is a pretty big achievement but then Brook is no ordinary guy.  Unlike most people in Sydney, he never misses a goal when people yell “Penis”, it seems to just make him focus more.  Although he looks all sweet and nice, you will probably not find a bigger bleached arsehole in the whole of Australasia than this man.  I’m very glad to have him in my city.  Here’s a little more about Brook.

City:  Sydney, Australia

Team:  DOG SOCCER!

Years played:  2 years

Super power: Back door ability

Favourite heckle: “Balls!”

Bike:  Eighth Inch Scrambler, freewheel with dual brake and 35:22 ratio

Mallet:  Ski pole with uncapped, closed sides 120mm  head

Protection:  Durex regular

What do you love most about bike polo?
It’s a great cover for my alcohol abuse.  That, and the rad community vibe.

If you missed our last player profile on Yohei Okamoto, you can access it here

By Virginia Castellan

My sources in Perth tell me you will not find anyone more lazy than Yohei in Western Australia and possibly the entire country.   All he can manage to do besides playing polo is work 2 jobs, study full time and also go cycle touring in far off dangerous places such as New Zealand and Tasmania.  Yohei really needs to put a bit more effort into life and try to occasionally pass the ball.  (Sorry Yohei – they made me say that.)  Here’s a little more about Yohei.

City:  Perth, Australia

Team:  Godzilla Symphony

Years played:  3 years

Super power: Godzilla Power

Favourite heckle: It’s in Korean

Bike:  Vispa, free wheel with dual brake and 25:16 ratio

Mallet:  Fixcraft pole with uncapped head with cut-out sides

Protection:  Gloves, knee pads and glasses

What do you love most about bike polo?
People

If you missed our last player profile on Andrew Tipene, you can access it here

By Virginia Castellan

What can I say about Andrew Tipene?  Apart from the fact that the man seems to run on a combination of cider and vodka, Andrew is just your regular Kiwi living it up in Australia.  Occasionally found face down on the floor of pubs, Andrew also managed to get his entire team completely lost riding home from a bar in Taupo, turning a 5km journey into 15km.  Here’s a little more about Andrew.

City:  Melbourne, Australia

Team:  Polobears

Years played:  2 years

Super power:  Double wind up

Favourite heckle: Stay in goals bitches

Bike:  Surly frame, freewheel with dual brake and a 36:21 ratio

Mallet:  7075 ski pole with uncapped, closed sides head

Protection:  Gloves and glasses

What do you love most about bike polo?
The bikes.

If you missed our last player profile on Jamie Barber, you can access it here.

By Virginia Castellan

The first time I saw Jamie was at the 2009 Melbourne Nationals.  He had long blonde hair, really short shorts and cardboard wrapped around his forks.  I thought “who the fuck is this weirdo?”  Many years down the track, much has changed.  The hair is shorter, the shorts are longer and the cardboard is long gone.  Jamie is definitely one of my favourite people to play with and against.  Here’s a little more about Jamie.

City:  Brisbane, Australia

Team:  Majestic Pink Shafts

Years played:  4 years

Super power:  Hamster style

Favourite heckle: Your Dad tried to molest me but he’s impotent

Bike:  8th Inch, freewheel with dual brake and 35:22 ratio

Mallet:  MKE Shaft with uncapped head with closed sides

Protection: Pull out

What do you love most about bike polo?
The smell of man sweat

If you missed our last player profile on Morgan Allen, you can access it here.

By Virginia Castellan

Australasian Bike Polo now has their very own John McEnroe.  Who will ever forget Morgan screaming “Stop blowing the fucking whistle!” at AHBPC 2012.   With Morgan moving to Sydney, our facial hair to player ratio has sky rocketed.  Here’s a little more about Morgan.

City:  Sydney Australia, Oakland USA, Berlin Germany

Team:  DOG SOCCER

Years played:  7 years

Super power:  Storing beer in my beard

Favourite heckle: Anything by Mike Shriver in Machine’s voice

Bike:  Brookland Weedwagon, freewheel with front brake only and ? gear

Mallet:  Closed sides, cheap, relatively cheap

Protection:  Gloves and sometimes shin guards

What do you love most about bike polo?
Cheaper than the bar

If you missed our last player profile on Jock Cockburn, you can access it here

By Virginia Castellan

If Jock was half as good at polo as he is at heckling, I think the podium may have looked at lot different at AHBPC 2012.  When you play against Jock, you are as much at risk of falling off your bike from laughing as you are from being crashed into.  Here’s a little more about Jock.

City:  Gold Coast, Yo!

Team:  GC Studs

Years played:  Months or a year

Super power:  GC Ruckus

Favourite heckle: “She’s wet for it.  She’s screaming for it. So moist. It’s in my eye.”

Bike:  Vintage hipster, fixed with front brake only and a shit ratio

Mallet:  1.6mm aluminium shaft with uncapped plumber’s pipe head

Protection:  Gloves and shin guards

What do you love most about bike polo?
The casual shit talking and making “tactiCool falls’”.  The GC does it better.

If you missed our last player profile on Stephen Chaumont, you can access it here

By Virginia Castellan

I have played with Stephen at 3 of the 4 Australasian Championship and, apart from occasionally hitting like a girl, he is an awesome team mate to have.  Don’t let that pretty face fool you, this guy can take a hit and loves to dish it out.  Having the dubious honour of being the most clean living member of LSV, my favourite memory of Stephen is at the last day of WHBPC 2011 in Seattle where he not only consumed a massive  (60 ounce?)  flagon of beer, he managed to get it refilled 5 times at the bar and drink that as well.  I have never seen him so fucking drunk – it was such a joy to watch.  Here’s a little more about Stephen.

City:  Sydney, Australia

Team:  LSV aka Love Sex Violence

Years played:  4 years

Super power:  Mind control

Favourite heckle: “C is for Cunts” (aimed at the Canucks during Worlds)

Bike:  Scrambler, freewheel, front brake only with 35:22 ratio

Mallet:  Ski pole with one capped end and one cut-out side on the head

Protection:  Gloves, knee pads and pull out

What do you love most about bike polo?
Sex

If you missed our last player profile on Ben Emerton, you can access it here.

By Virginia Castellan